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| Can throw a football overhand, sidearm, and unnecessarily behind-the-back | | | | | | |
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| Has spent more time customizing characters than actually playing games | | | | | | |
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| Can identify at least five fictional swords on sight | | | | | | |
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| Once hit a golf shot so bad it became legendary | | | | | | |
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| Thinks Ed Sheeran is guilty | | | | | | |
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| Has a YouTube mixtape of their best stand-up comedy routines | | | | | | |
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| Keeps threatening to become a cryptid | | | | | | |
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| Once celebrated so hard they got a delay-of-game penalty | | | | | | |
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| Won an archery contest by default | | | | | | |
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| Once got hit by a pitch and complimented the throw | | | | | | |
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| Knows that trees are secretly plotting to take over the world | | | | | | |
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| Still suspicious of Tom from MySpace | | | | | | |
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| Forgets all too often that "there's no crying in baseball" | | | | | | |
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| Thinks every pirate movie needs more pirates | | | | | | |
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| Favorite hobby is counting the ridges around dimes to find rare misprints | | | | | | |
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| Once tried to learn parkour from YouTube | | | | | | |
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| Can tell when someone peaked athletically in high school | | | | | | |
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| Still wears playoff beards despite not being in playoffs | | | | | | |
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| Still hears "Hey! Listen!" in moments of panic | | | | | | |
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| Has definitely yelled "Hadouken!" while throwing something | | | | | | |
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| Can catch fly balls while holding a sports drink | | | | | | |
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| Owns six lava lamps and trusts none of them | | | | | | |
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| Can mentally replay old victories frame by frame | | | | | | |
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| Friends say they're trying too hard and they're not quite hip | | | | | | |
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| Owns a hat that absolutely nobody likes except them | | | | | | |
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| Claims they could beat Oregon Trail with fewer casualties now | | | | | | |
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| Owns a beach towel that's somehow too loud | | | | | | |
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| Rugby is their jam, and they're happy to obnoxiously tell you about it | | | | | | |
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| Uses "based" with zero explanation | | | | | | |
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| Owns a lava lamp that "knows too much" | | | | | | |
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| Won the 8th grade talent show with air guitar skills | | | | | | |
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| Really confused and often made hungry by the concept of "Pi" | | | | | | |
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| Believes every problem can be solved with snacks | | | | | | |
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| Actually washes, rinses, and repeats | | | | | | |
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| Keeps pretending QR codes are wizardry | | | | | | |
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| Every campfire story somehow escalates into full Tolkien lore | | | | | | |
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| Still says "Finish Him!" after winning minor arguments | | | | | | |
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| Once attempted to communicate with dolphins using beatboxing | | | | | | |
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| Owns at least one unnecessarily dramatic anime cloak | | | | | | |
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| Thinks clouds look judgmental sometimes | | | | | | |
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| Keeps expecting dramatic lightning during motivational speeches | | | | | | |
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| Has never trusted a left-field fence shorter than six feet | | | | | | |
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| Strongly believes Indiana Jones would've survived with better inventory management | | | | | | |
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| Turned down a full scholarship to Harvard Law to study aardvark habitats in Scandinavia | | | | | | |
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| Has at least one pair of shoes held together by determination | | | | | | |
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| Has broken at least one lawn chair celebrating sports | | | | | | |
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| Claims pickleball is just tennis with emotional damage | | | | | | |
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| Keeps a backup pair of sunglasses for dramatic effect | | | | | | |
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| Believes every buffet is a personal challenge | | | | | | |
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| Still shadowboxes during halftime | | | | | | |
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| Treats every automatic sliding door like a sci-fi achievement unlock | | | | | | |
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| Doesn't believe in the concept of "New Mexico" | | | | | | |
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| Thinks every group chat needs a conspiracy theorist | | | | | | |
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| Thinks every cat understands taxes | | | | | | |
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| Refuses to sleep unless bathed in the sounds of whales mating | | | | | | |
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| Can identify every Pokémon solely by silhouette and vibes | | | | | | |
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| Believes Fat Bottomed Girls do indeed make the world go round | | | | | | |
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| Still thinks all waterfalls hide secret caves | | | | | | |
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| Still waiting for their life to get picked up for another season | | | | | | |
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| Is suspicious of snakes and their non-leggedness | | | | | | |
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| Gets competitive during mini golf | | | | | | |
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| Once attempted to train pigeons like Batman trains Robins | | | | | | |
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| Still stretches like they're entering the NFL Combine | | | | | | |
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| Drinks Boone's Farm out of a wine glass | | | | | | |
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| Thinks Breaking Bad was "just ok" | | | | | | |
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| Has at least once attempted a dramatic slow walk after winning in Street Fighter | | | | | | |
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| Keeps hoping raccoons will accept them into the group | | | | | | |
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| Can fly, just really bad at it | | | | | | |
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| Has a favorite spoon | | | | | | |
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